Pasty Protesters: The Backlash

The 'pasty tax' was just one of the many controversial propositions made in the Budget this March, calling for 20% VAT to be added to all food products sold 'above ambient temperature', even if they subsequently cool down after purchase.

Pasty protesters, mainly bakers who are seeing their industry threatened, are planning a demonstration in Downing Street, rumours suggest that armed with frozen varieties of pasties, the protesters will target and 'pasty' the PM's number 10 residence in a last bid attempt to persuade Cameron otherwise, and to ultimately 'get a taste of his own medicine'.

Meanwhile, days before the move was proposed, Cameron and Osborne were spotted bulk-buying warmed pasties from popular baking retailer Greggs and rumours are circulating within Parliament that the pair will soon decide to tax on packed lunches within the work place and at even at school, after all, why should the UK's poorest children be the only one's to pay for their own school meals?


Who'd have known that Parliament would become increasingly discriminative with lack of subtlety? First it was the granny tax, it seems the no one could have fathomed that the trusty faithful Cornish pasty could have been next!

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BBC Suffering Initiative Deficiency

The memorial cruise tracing the path of the Titanic's original maiden voyage occurring a century ago, was delayed and forced to take a detour after BBC cameraman, Tim Rex (56) was airlifted from the ship and taken ill as a 'medical precaution'.


Seriously BBC, I'd have thought it would've been standard procedure (or minimum decent common sense) amid the lamentation and reflecting memorials of the sad event of the sinking of the Titanic 100 years ago, to at least check if any of your crew suffered with sea-sickness before posting them on a boat for 12 days on a commemorative voyage. 

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UK Hosepipe Ban To Back Queen's Olympic Ambitions

It seems that nobody could have fathomed an estimate as to the severity of the brunt ultimately borne on the UK as a direct result of Osborne's extreme late Budget additions subsequent from the original delivered a couple of weeks previously. 

The immediate action was down to a particular royal demand from Prince Philip requiring an Olympic training pool for Her Majesty to be excavated so that 'one could enter into a little Olympic spirit' in preparations for July. The Queen's long discarded ambitions are seemingly being revived at the ultimate expense of the nation (and their pansies) who are consequently fueling her determination involuntarily. (An exception being the dynamic duo, 'Dastardly Dave and Clegg-ly' of course)


Water Aid are responding to the outcries of British need and have launched a campaign similar to the meanwhile discarded 'Save the Children', amended to 'Save the Crysanthamums' to be run across third world countries.

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Scooby Dooby Dave?

Government plans to push forward rules that would enable security forces to access email header  and other traffic details without a warrant has evoked public response of suggestions that the government are attempting to replicate an episode of ‘Scooby Doo’ at attempts to ‘unmask’ some of the UK’s hidden criminals. The general public have issued a major disproval towards ‘those meddling  kids’ and their resulting proposition.

Estimated reasons as to the controversial government snooping scenario is a subtle attempt to disclose potential Eurozone plans to dub and rename Britain as ‘Poundland’ or perhaps to issue a long overdue restraining order on hit melancholic singer, Adele, as self-confessed in her song ‘Someone Like You’ she keeps ‘turning out of the blue uninvited’, and this coupled together with her delusional attempts to ‘set fire to the rain’ despite scientific impossibility has outlined fears for Adele’s mental stability. Zoinks!

Another likely solution is that David Cameron, Scrappy Doo (Nick Clegg) and the remainder of the Tory party seemingly cannot duly withstand waiting for the highly anticipated winning results to freshly commenced season of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ and wish to listen in to Simon Cowell’s private phone calls to find out who’s won in advance so no money should be wasted on phone in votes (and later claimed on ‘expenses’, see DC’s got the taxpayers in mind after all!).

Ultimately, perhaps the only way to persuade the government to amend their decision and thus change their minds about the whole situation is to offer the entirety of the Commons a Scooby Snack each,  and finally  in the ever wisdom-filled words of Scooby’s infamous sidekick Shaggy himself, ‘that’s our cue to ski-doo!’

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